How To Relate

Caleb Birkhoff, LMFT, is a couples therapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area who also works extensively with men and with people navigating their relationship to drugs and alcohol. With over a decade in recovery work, Caleb brings the goal-setting and accountability of treatment into the couples room. In this episode, we talk about:
How recovery work shaped his approach to couples therapy
Why “communication problems” usually means the same words carry different meanings
What being an identical twin taught him about assuming you know your partner
Intention vs. impact, and his favorite question: “How much is your help helping?”
Differentiation, and why separateness makes room for intimacy
Sliding vs. deciding through relationship milestones
Why there’s only one wrong way to talk about money (not talking about it)
Low-stakes ways to start money conversations, from home reno shows to dream-life planning
Why couples therapy is increasingly about growth, not a last stop before divorce
Connect with Caleb at Golden Gate Counseling Services: https://goldengatecounselingservices.com/ 
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcSponsor: Larry’s Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate

Brittani and Drew take an honest look at what goes on beyond the therapist’s chair: the business side, the emotional side and the parts no one talks about.
Paternity and maternity leave when you’re a therapist at a small practice (no FMLA, no disability, paying your own insurance)
Why the fee-for-service model breaks down when the therapist is the product
Insurance, AI therapy bots and where the field might be headed
How AI is changing what clients want from therapy (“tell me what’s wrong with me”)
The “empathy bowl”: running low on empathy, over-empathizing and checking yourself
Inner child work, IFS and the line between insight and staying stuck
Phone tracking, teen autonomy, and parents at college grads’ job interviews
Dodgeball with Drew: a seasonal, playful idea for young men’s group therapy
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcSponsor: Larry’s Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate

Bridgett is a sexual storywork coach, speaker, and cohost of the Dating and Desire Podcast. She helps Christian singles, dating, and engaged couples engage their sexual desire in a way that aligns with their values and cultivates deep self-trust—proving you can live a life that’s both hot and holy.
In this episode, we cover:
Bridgett's journey from a conservative Christian upbringing to becoming a pastor — and the cost her family paid for that decision
What "sexual story work" means and how past narratives shape adult relationship patterns
Why Bridgett calls purity culture a pendulum swing that overcorrected from the sexual revolution
How control and fear (not malice) drove purity culture's rules — and the harm that followed
The link between purity contracts, lost bodily autonomy, and later vulnerability to abusive relationships
Sexual joy vs. sexual loneliness — two forces that shape how we move toward connection
Why abstinence-minded couples still need to build sensual and emotional intimacy, not just avoid sex
The "art of sharing your skin": slowing down physical escalation to build real relational safety
How grief and rage are part of deconstructing purity culture's promises
Jay Stringer's framework: sex as designed to reveal, provoke, and heal
 
Connect with Bridgett: bridgettblood.com | Instagram | Dating and Desire Podcast (Tuesdays)
⁠Guide to Value-Based Boundaries in Dating⁠
⁠Instagram @bridgetblood⁠
Dating and Desire Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/5ktRQ8WGSw5xXc6XFVjiw9?si=33c382fc67f04a1f 
Bridgett's Website⁠ 
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠ Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠ Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠ Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠
 

Welcome to How to Relate! This episode is all about money with financial therapist Nathan Astle. Nathan Astle is based in Kansas City, with a background in couples and family therapy. He founded the Financial Therapy Clinical Institute, where financial therapists, counselors, and planners work together in a collaborative care model. Nathan has been featured in numerous outlets like The New York Times, Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, Psychology Today, CNBC, USA Today, TD Ameritrade, Money Geek, and more.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why money is more like a language than a number, and how it shapes identity
Fear and shame, the two biggest emotions people bring to money
The money timeline exercise for uncovering your money story
Why couples fighting about money are often fighting about different things (freedom vs. safety)
Intergenerational money trauma, from Depression-era scarcity to Boomer collections to Millennial minimalism
Why money conflict doesn’t cause divorce, and what actually does
“Who’s at the controls?” and keeping fear from driving your financial decisions
Nathan's Website: financialtherapyclinicalinstitute.com Resources: https://www.financialtherapyclinicalinstitute.com/resource-library 
Brittani's StuffWebsite: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcSponsor: Larry’s Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate

Too good to stay, too bad to leave is a scenario many people find themselves in. When the relationship could be better, when do you know it's time to leave or love the one you're with? We're here to answer.
Katherine Cullen, LCSW, is a therapist in Nashville, Tennessee. Katherine co-authored The Truth About Exercise Addiction, and was an editor at Psychology Today before she became a therapist. Check out her Instagram for comedy, therapy, and relatable entertainment. 
In this episode:- "Avoidance culture" in dating, and how getting fixated on the ick can protect us from intimacy- Mimetic desire: where our icks come from in the first place- Going back to your senses (an idea from inference-based CBT) to tell whether you're in the right relationship- Red flags that look pink, and spotting patterns over 6–12 months- Gottman's "dream within conflict," with the dishwasher fight as the example- The doughnut hole exercise for sorting out what you can and can't compromise on- How to find your relational needs- The Four Horsemen and their antidotes, plus making the scripts sound like you
Books mentioned: Fight Right by John and Julie Gottman, Should I Stay or Should I Go? by Lundy Bancroft, and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Mira Kirshenbaum
Find Katherine:IG: https://www.instagram.com/kcullentherapy/ Website: https://integrateself.com 
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219 Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — https://larryscoffee.com/relate 

Dr. Brian J. Dixon, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist based in Fort Worth, TX, and founder of Field Guide, a referral and networking platform built by clinicians, for clinicians.
Why mental health reimbursement is broken — and how a 1965 Medicare decision still shapes what therapists earn today
The case for charging your worth, and how to get comfortable talking about money with clients
Where AI helps (and where it falls dangerously short) in mental health care — plus the liability wave he sees coming
Inside Field Guide: the referral board, the "rapport score," and why he built the platform therapists actually need
What a decade of building (and rebuilding) taught him, and why business coaching and accountability groups matter
Navigating clients who trust influencers and supplements over their provider
Why now is the best time to be a mental health clinician entrepreneur
Connect with Dr. Brian Dixon: ⁠LinkedIn⁠
Therapists Join FeelGuide: https://www.feelguide.network/
 
How to Relate:
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠ Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠ Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠ Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate

What if the question isn't whether your marriage will end, but when — and whether you'll remarry the same person? On this episode of How to Relate, Galit and Assael Romanelli — couple therapists, real-life partners, and the minds behind the Remarriage Roadmap — discuss how long-term relationships actually survive change.
In this episode:
The "ABCs" that signal a marriage is heading for a rupture: thirds/affairs, boredom, and change
What a "third" really is — anything pulling your attention, libido, or energy outside the relationship (a career, a PhD, the kids, a phone, even a "work spouse")
The 95/70 dynamic: the unconscious hierarchy every couple shakes hands on early, and how to soften it into equality
The four muscles of the Remarriage Roadmap — Play ("yes, and"), Let It Land ("tell me more"), Say the Thing ("part of me..."), and Own Your Shadow ("the truth is...")
Why couples confuse being understood with being agreed with, and how differentiation changes that
Practical tools you can use tonight: rating a disagreement 1–10 (no fives or sevens allowed), taking hard conversations on a walk, and using playfulness to defuse conflict
Their book Feel Free Together and the 8-week Remarriage Roadmap program
 
Connect with Galit and Assael:Website: https://potentialstate.com/Free toolkit: https://potentialstate.com/toolkitInstagram: @thepotentialstate
Brittani's ResourcesWebsite: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcTherapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
 
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate

Erica Smith returns to How to Relate for a light conversation (haha) on the patriarchy, insidious trauma, and what oppression does to our closest relationships.
Why "the patriarchy" surged in cultural vocabulary post-2020, and how it intersects with racism and the need to re-center attention away from marginalized communities
Defining the patriarchy: from a "wealthy white men" lens to Terry Real's framework on masculinity, invulnerability, and emotional suppression
Boundaries vs. control — how boundary language gets weaponized to manage other people's behavior instead of one's own exposure
"Insidious trauma" and death by a thousand paper cuts: the cumulative nervous-system toll of everyday dismissal, code-switching, and hypervigilance
Family strategies for safety — advocating in medical settings, "the talk" before a breakup, staying alert in unfamiliar spaces
Performative allyship vs. authentic accountability, and why announcing your values isn't the same as living them
Affinity spaces: when they help, when they isolate, and why the burden of initiating hard conversations should shift toward the group causing harm
Individual-level change as the starting point for structural change — noticing your own nervous system, choosing regulating relationships
 
Erica's Resources:
Whole Mentality: https://www.wholementality.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsericakendra/
 
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠ Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠ Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠ Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠

In this solo episode! Reflections on turning 34 — and what it actually takes to stop avoiding the feelings a birthday brings up.
In this episode:
Why avoidance gives power to the feelings we're trying to escape
The quiet aggression of self-improvement culture
Oliver Burkeman's Four Thousand Weeks and "letting time use you"
Why comparison steals our desires, not just our joy
Making peace with — and gratitude for — who you used to be
Website: ⁠⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠⁠IG: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠⁠Intimacy Workbook: ⁠⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠⁠Newsletter: ⁠⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠⁠Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠⁠Therapist Threads: ⁠⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb⁠⁠
 

Mary Beth Somich is the founder of Your Journey Through, a boutique group therapy practice in Raleigh (celebrating 10 years this fall) with nine clinicians specializing in family dynamics, enmeshment, and boundaries. She also mentors other practice owners through group coaching and masterminds.
In this episode, we cover:
Scaling from solo practice to group practice while pregnant during the 2020 pandemic
How to validate a course or offer idea before building it (and why niching down matters)
Cultural competence in therapeutic recommendations — meeting clients where their actual capacity is
Defining enmeshment: the lack of boundaries within a family system, and how it often shows up as mother-child over-attachment when a partner is emotionally absent
The role of the "nice guy complex" and people-pleasing in perpetuating enmeshment
How to reengage an absent father-in-law/mother-in-law and repair intergenerational patterns
What a boundary actually is (and isn't) — Mary Beth's take beyond internet oversimplifications
Boomer vs. millennial communication gaps around illness, emotion, and "not wanting to be a burden"
Parenting anxiety, perfectionism, and how to discern which parenting advice is actually for you
Navigating multigenerational parenting influence (plus a shoutout to the "More Than Grand" grandparent resource)
A first practical step if your family dynamics feel tumultuous
Connect with Mary Beth: ⁠yourjourneythrough.com⁠ | IG ⁠@yourjourneythrough⁠ | ⁠hello@yourjourneythrough.com⁠ — check her Instagram bio for the Group Practice Mastermind and Therapist to CEO Playbook.
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠ Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠ Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠ Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠ Therapist Collective: Community for Entrepreneurial Therapists: https://therapistcollective.carrd.co/