How To Relate

What if the question isn't whether your marriage will end, but when — and whether you'll remarry the same person? On this episode of How to Relate, Galit and Assael Romanelli — couple therapists, real-life partners, and the minds behind the Remarriage Roadmap — discuss how long-term relationships actually survive change.
In this episode:
The "ABCs" that signal a marriage is heading for a rupture: thirds/affairs, boredom, and change
What a "third" really is — anything pulling your attention, libido, or energy outside the relationship (a career, a PhD, the kids, a phone, even a "work spouse")
The 95/70 dynamic: the unconscious hierarchy every couple shakes hands on early, and how to soften it into equality
The four muscles of the Remarriage Roadmap — Play ("yes, and"), Let It Land ("tell me more"), Say the Thing ("part of me..."), and Own Your Shadow ("the truth is...")
Why couples confuse being understood with being agreed with, and how differentiation changes that
Practical tools you can use tonight: rating a disagreement 1–10 (no fives or sevens allowed), taking hard conversations on a walk, and using playfulness to defuse conflict
Their book Feel Free Together and the 8-week Remarriage Roadmap program
 
Connect with Galit and Assael:Website: https://potentialstate.com/Free toolkit: https://potentialstate.com/toolkitInstagram: @thepotentialstate
Brittani's ResourcesWebsite: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknowIntimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dcTherapist Threads: https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb
 
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate

Erica Smith returns to How to Relate for a light conversation (haha) on the patriarchy, insidious trauma, and what oppression does to our closest relationships.
Why "the patriarchy" surged in cultural vocabulary post-2020, and how it intersects with racism and the need to re-center attention away from marginalized communities
Defining the patriarchy: from a "wealthy white men" lens to Terry Real's framework on masculinity, invulnerability, and emotional suppression
Boundaries vs. control — how boundary language gets weaponized to manage other people's behavior instead of one's own exposure
"Insidious trauma" and death by a thousand paper cuts: the cumulative nervous-system toll of everyday dismissal, code-switching, and hypervigilance
Family strategies for safety — advocating in medical settings, "the talk" before a breakup, staying alert in unfamiliar spaces
Performative allyship vs. authentic accountability, and why announcing your values isn't the same as living them
Affinity spaces: when they help, when they isolate, and why the burden of initiating hard conversations should shift toward the group causing harm
Individual-level change as the starting point for structural change — noticing your own nervous system, choosing regulating relationships
 
Erica's Resources:
Whole Mentality: https://www.wholementality.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/itsericakendra/
 
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠ Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠ Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠ Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠

In this solo episode! Reflections on turning 34 — and what it actually takes to stop avoiding the feelings a birthday brings up.
In this episode:
Why avoidance gives power to the feelings we're trying to escape
The quiet aggression of self-improvement culture
Oliver Burkeman's Four Thousand Weeks and "letting time use you"
Why comparison steals our desires, not just our joy
Making peace with — and gratitude for — who you used to be
Website: ⁠⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠⁠IG: ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠⁠Intimacy Workbook: ⁠⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠⁠Newsletter: ⁠⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠⁠Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠⁠Therapist Threads: ⁠⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb⁠⁠
 

Mary Beth Somich is the founder of Your Journey Through, a boutique group therapy practice in Raleigh (celebrating 10 years this fall) with nine clinicians specializing in family dynamics, enmeshment, and boundaries. She also mentors other practice owners through group coaching and masterminds.
In this episode, we cover:
Scaling from solo practice to group practice while pregnant during the 2020 pandemic
How to validate a course or offer idea before building it (and why niching down matters)
Cultural competence in therapeutic recommendations — meeting clients where their actual capacity is
Defining enmeshment: the lack of boundaries within a family system, and how it often shows up as mother-child over-attachment when a partner is emotionally absent
The role of the "nice guy complex" and people-pleasing in perpetuating enmeshment
How to reengage an absent father-in-law/mother-in-law and repair intergenerational patterns
What a boundary actually is (and isn't) — Mary Beth's take beyond internet oversimplifications
Boomer vs. millennial communication gaps around illness, emotion, and "not wanting to be a burden"
Parenting anxiety, perfectionism, and how to discern which parenting advice is actually for you
Navigating multigenerational parenting influence (plus a shoutout to the "More Than Grand" grandparent resource)
A first practical step if your family dynamics feel tumultuous
Connect with Mary Beth: ⁠yourjourneythrough.com⁠ | IG ⁠@yourjourneythrough⁠ | ⁠hello@yourjourneythrough.com⁠ — check her Instagram bio for the Group Practice Mastermind and Therapist to CEO Playbook.
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠ IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠ Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠ Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠ Sponsor: Larry's Coffee — ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠ Therapist Collective: Community for Entrepreneurial Therapists: https://therapistcollective.carrd.co/
 
 

Blaise Harris, LCMHC, is a therapist, former firefighter, and founder of G Squared Consulting & Counseling Services — known online as The Dope Black Therapist. His practice focuses on trauma work with Black men and first responders, drawing on his own experience surviving a divorce, major depressive disorder, and suicide attempts before finding his way into the field.
In this episode, Brittani and Blaise cover:
How Blaise's own mental health crisis (post-divorce depression, suicidal ideation, psychiatric hospitalization) led him to therapy — and to specializing in first responders and Black men
Why first responders have protocols for every physical emergency but none for their mental health
PTSD stats among first responders and why the real numbers are likely far higher than reported
The stigma differences across police, fire, EMS, and dispatch
Navigating racism and mistrust as a Black first responder, including a story of being called a slur on the job
How to talk to a partner about a hard shift without needing to "fix" it — communicating needs instead of details
Naming and setting an internal boundary with anxiety/depression ("acknowledge it, then tell it to shut up")
His advice for first responders on choosing a therapist — "try them on like shoes"
Find Blaise on Instagram ⁠@the_dopeblacktherapist⁠ or at ⁠thedopeblacktherapist.com⁠.
Brittani's Resources
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠
IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠
Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠
Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠
Therapist Threads: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb⁠

Matthew Case turns the mic on Brittani for a rapid-fire AMA episode, unpacking what's missing from the current dating and relationship advice landscape — and why attachment styles and red-flag culture might be doing more harm than good.
The attachment style hyperfixation: Why reducing every dating dynamic to "anxious vs. avoidant" strips away nuance — and Jack Morin's "erotic equation" (attraction + obstacle = desire) as a better lens for understanding chemistry
"We attract what we lack": How the same qualities that draw us to a partner can become the exact source of friction later on
The dating coach blind spot: Why telling people who they should be attracted to rarely works — and what to do instead when you keep dating the same "type"
Red flag fatigue: What we lose by hyperfocusing on red flags instead of green flags, and the "your red flag is my pink flag" problem
Overcorrecting after a breakup: Why swinging to the opposite "type" often backfires — and how to tell if you're in a real relationship or just a reactive experiment
The case against dating apps: Why they've shifted from "meeting people" to "curating a resume," and a reframe for using them without losing your mind
Curiosity as a skill: Borrowing from motivational interviewing to ask better first-date questions — including a simple reframe of "do you want kids?" into an open-ended, story-driven conversation
Millennial dating pressure: Why knowing what you don't want (thanks, parents' divorce rates) hasn't translated into knowing what you do want
Acknowledgement: The sound is a bit off, and we appreciate your patience and understanding as technological issues occur. 
Brittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
 
 
 

Austin Hatch is a certified sex addiction therapist and founder of Phase Your Recovery. In this episode, he and Brittani talk about the difference between honesty and transparency, how shame gets weaponized in relationships, and why community — not just insight — is often the missing piece in real change.
 
Topics Covered:
Why most clients arrive in the middle of a self-made crisis
The "hidden language of addiction": minimization, rationalization, justification
Honesty as an offering vs. transparency as a bid for control
"Sad puppy energy" and how shame gets weaponized in relationships
Why Austin pushes back on the addiction label as an identity
Requiring partners into the work within the first three sessions
Reframing needs vs. desires around sex and intimacy
Building Unmasking Shame, a 12-month experiential couples group
Male vulnerability, culture, and what genuine emotional honesty looks like
Connect with Austin: https://phasezerorecovery.com/about-us
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZnrCJ-7WtX9NTIOu8d2gNA
Brittani's Resources
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠
IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠
Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠
Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠
Therapist Threads: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb⁠
 

Sex therapist and psychologist Dr. Marianne Brandon is here to energize the conversation about sex. Marianne shares what she discovered after years of working with highly educated, sexually confident women who still struggled with low libido — and why the standard interventions weren't working. The conversation gets into evolutionary biology, the "10 seeds" framework for understanding desire differences, what it actually takes for women to let go in the bedroom, and what AI and VR porn mean for the future of human intimacy.
In this episode:
How Marianne fell into sex therapy — and kept it a secret for years
Why giving women "permission" isn't enough to solve low libido
The seed analogy: understanding desire differences through an evolutionary lens
Why caretaking kills desire (and what to do about it)
Practical exercises for women learning to open their bodies and men reclaiming their power
VR porn, oxytocin, and why therapists need to be paying attention
Romantasy, AI intimacy, and the growing turn away from real humans
Guest Resources:
Podcast: ⁠The Sex Doctors⁠
Website: ⁠drbrandon.net⁠
Psychology Today blog: The Future of Intimacy
Brittani's Resources
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠
IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠
Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠
Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠
 
☕ Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠
 
Therapist Threads: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb⁠

Devyn Lowry joins Brittani to talk about life as a startup founder, why empathy is a non-negotiable skill in tech, and the broken systems that led him to build Ocean Labs — a mental health platform designed to actually match people with the right therapist.
Topics Covered:
What it's really like working in startups (spoiler: a lot of hats)
Why empathy belongs on every team, not just in design
The research-backed reason therapeutic fit drives outcomes
How current therapist matching platforms are just glorified database filters
The ethics of VC funding in mental health tech
AI, human connection, and why we need to get back to building things that matter
Connect with Devyn:
LinkedIn: Devyn Lowry
Website: https://www.tryocean.io/
Email: ⁠devyn@tryocean.io⁠
Resources Mentioned:
Ocean Labs beta launch: June 25th
Therapists: reach out directly to join the network
Prospective clients: early intake sign-ups opening soon
Website: ⁠https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/⁠
IG: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow⁠
Intimacy Workbook: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219⁠
Newsletter: ⁠https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc⁠
 
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. ⁠https://larryscoffee.com/relate⁠ 
 
Stay connected. Go touch grass.

What is purpose, and how do you find it when life feels uncertain, overwhelming, or directionless?
In this episode, Brittani and Drew explore the relationship between purpose, passion, responsibility, freedom, and meaning. They unpack why purpose isn't always about feeling inspired or excited—it often emerges through commitment, curiosity, relationships, and even irritation.
From childhood report cards and career choices to Viktor Frankl, daydreaming, self-limiting beliefs, and the role of relationships in creating meaning, this conversation offers a thoughtful look at what helps us build a life that feels purposeful.
 
In This Episode We Discuss:
The difference between passion and purpose
Why passion isn't always enjoyable—and often involves suffering
How responsibility can create meaning and strengthen identity
The connection between purpose and relationships
Self-limiting beliefs that keep us from pursuing what matters
Why freedom alone doesn't necessarily lead to fulfillment
How imagination and daydreaming can reveal what you truly want
Viktor Frankl's perspective on meaning, choice, and attitude
The role of irritation, curiosity, and fascination in creating change
Why relational care is a form of self-care
Brittani's Resources
Website: https://www.brittaniprocknow.com/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/brittani_procknow
Intimacy Workbook: https://howtorelate.kit.com/b956780219
Newsletter: https://howtorelate.kit.com/e9f87bb2dc
 
Support the show and drink coffee! Proud to have Larry's Coffee as a show sponsor. Keep caffeinated with quality coffee. https://larryscoffee.com/relate
 
Therapist Threads:
https://howtorelate.kit.com/069297fffb